Getting Out Of Love

 Have you ever been on the receiving end of a breakup?

You didn't want it to end, but the other person involved felt like this relationship no longer served a purpose. The process of detaching yourself from that person can be one of the hardest things a person can go through. Not only are you dealing with having to come to terms with the fact that its over, but you also have to reprogramme your mind and detach from the person. 

When we first get into relationships, we are mentally building an ideology in our minds. What we want from our partners, what we expect, what we love and what comforts they bring to our lives. We slowly build a foundation together. We introduce our partners to the people we care most about; our friends and family. The more we intertwine a person into our personal lives, the more that person is cementing their place in our hearts.  The more entwined they are in our own lives, the harder it is to see them leave. Our day to day involves them. Our way of thinking includes them. The way we carry ourselves through life has an element of our partners attached to it. 

The love sets in, and we finally say it to our partners. Some people use the word, and it has no value to them whatsoever, but for the people that genuinely value love, when it is said, they are declaring their unwavering loyalty to you. They are emotionally submitting to you. They're allowing you to have control over their mood, their attitude, their happiness. Their declaration of love symbolises the foreseeable future with just you. 

For a variety of reasons, relationships break down. The relationship no longer holds as much value as it once did and one of the people participating in the relationship has to make the call to end it. 

Now, if you're the person on the receiving end of the breakup, you may have felt the struggle in the relationship but never enough for it to end. There has been so much invested in the relationship that it ending was not something you could have imagined. The feeling of loss sets in. The sense of failing consumes you. You have failed at something you gave your all too. You start to feel embarrassment when you have to socialise with your peers, and they all ask the same question. "Hows (your ex's name)?" You have to give them an answer that doesn't expose the hurt you are going through. 

The struggles we face moving on from a relationship are emotionally and mentally stressful. 

The declaration of love that we expressed can hold us hostage.  We told that individual we loved them wholeheartedly and we wouldn't find another person that we could love as deeply as them. They echoed the words back, so how can they let that go? Why can't we wrap our minds around the fact that we no longer appeal to the individual anymore?

We can't do it at times because our rational is biased towards supporting our needs first before being understanding towards the other individual;

this is when the closure is needed. There has to come a feeling when there is no longer a need to be with that person again. The need to no longer be with that person arises with time and learning to understand that they let you down and they don't deserve you. That's when you become empowered and start to regain some of yourself back. Closure is needed to support your reason for why the relationship no longer serves a purpose for you. You need some of what they say to coincide with the ideas you have made for yourself. This part is crucial cause what they say could make the difference of you leaving the relationship empowered or them making you seem like a victim, which no one wants to feel like. As I've mentioned in my previous blog Relationship Villian, someone has to be in the wrong, and the person who initiated the break up will have to take up that responsibility as long as the reasons are not them being played, or abused. That takes care of the mental side of the breakup, but the essential part of it all is acceptance. Acceptance is the hardest part of a breakup, but its the most critical part of all. Once you accept it, then you need to work on enjoying the qualities that you possess. That's the actual reason for the saying that "you can't love anyone if you don't love yourself." You must enjoy the qualities that you possess, and every break up gives you a chance to reconnect with the only person who loves you unconditionally. You.