Survivor's Remorse

I usually write a post roughly every two weeks, but I decided to speak about something very personal to me. 

I recently lost a friend of mine. We grew up in the same neighbourhood and went to the same high school, and although we weren't the best of friends, he was someone that I would see regularly and take the time to have conversations with. I know members of his family and have memories of my upbringing that include him in it. Now, I'm not trying to act like I was a gangster or anything of that nature, but I grew up in a very rough environment and did what I had to, to survive. I didn't have cousins or family members that were well known and respected in my area, so my reputation came from whatever I did. I felt fortunate to have some amazing friends around me that became my family. 

In the environment, we come from its normal to adopt the friends you grew up with as family as they share the same struggles you do and have commons goals as you do to become something better. I had that with my friends, and I felt incredibly blessed of the path that I took as it didn't always seem that clear. We made mistakes and did what teens in my environment do. As you go through the growth of the situation you come from; you always cross paths with people that you know have similar ambitions as you but don't know how to get out of the lifestyle they're in. From time to time, you cross paths with them and express to them what you're intentions are, and you feel the support and love from that person. You also try to see what direction they're trying to go in as far as life and try to encourage them to take the best route possible for them. There is a genuine appreciation for that person then you both go and carry on with your lives. As time goes on and you start seeing progressing of the work you have been putting in, you have moments where you notice the people that were once part of the things you did in life no longer participating in it as much. As you start to move closer to your goals, you begin to feel a way about the people that use to be involved in your life. 

It makes you sad as you have guilt about leaving behind people that were once part of your daily life. The people you would see or interact with on a regular no longer hold as much value as they use to. You also have moments where you hear news of people that you know of, suffering a tragedy and reflect on how things could have been so similar for you at one time. Adversity makes you have a moment of reflection and replay your life in your head and look at the key things that happen to allow you to make it out of an environment that consumed people around you that you have an appreciation for. 

It makes you ask the universe, why me? Why did you allow me to make it out? I'm not wealthy or successful by any means, but I made it out of an environment that makes you lose friends, family, sanity and time. I go through life so thankful for having a healthy mind, and I use this platform to help me maintain it. I go through life so grateful for choosing the circle of friends I have and making smart choices. It also hurts when I hear friends that i grew up with fall short of making it out with their mind, health or freedom. 

These are thoughts I feel people with a similar background experience. I wanted to share my testimony on the issue and let you know that you shouldn't feel upset about breaking free. The people you care about are still relevant. The moves you make now may be different, but the appreciation for them can always remain. I will always appreciate my friend, and I hope that just me writing this about him means he will see how much someone valued him. 

Rest in power brother.