Relationship Villains

Your life is a movie.

It may not be what you imagine a movie to look like. We're used to the big-budget, action pack, blockbusters, or the suspenseful thrillers but never the less your life is your biopic. It contains everything, drama, action, romance you name it's in there. 

You are the main character with loads of supporting cast members. Your friends and family take up their roles helping your life be entertaining yet personal and meaningful. As you go through the scenes in your life you face many challenges that you've overcome, you've metaphorically jumped out the window before the building explodes. You've passionately kissed your lover in the rain. You've laughed with your family around the dinner table thankful for what you have.

You are the hero.

But have you ever been the villain?

The novel and movie Gone Girl is an amazing story that would require a completely separate article for me to fully explain, but consist of a wife creating the most elaborate scheme to get revenge on her husband's infidelity. 

One of the key things in the movie is how the husband and wife were trying to portray themselves to the people involved. The plan the wife came up with made the husband look like a violent, abusive person. But as you continue to watch this movie you see that she is, in fact, the problematic one and even though he cheated on his wife you have more sympathy for him rather than her.

I use that example to go into this. Have you ever been the villain in your relationship? Have you ever been portrayed as problematic? Even if you feel inside you that your a good, kind-hearted person, does your partner come across more favourable to others.

In this article, I've decided to do a simple Q&A to break down the understanding of being the villain.

What does it mean to be the villain?

It means to be the less likeable one in your relationship. Not that you are a bad or evil person its just means in most environments your partner is the more popular person. Your also the person that will be held responsible for the majority of the bad issues in the relationship.

How would I know I’m the villain?

You will be the one who is blamed more for the problems that occur in a relationship. You will be seen as the person who instigates more arguments and who's views are not agreed with a majority of the time in the relationship. 

Can I be seen as the villain to my own personal group of friends and family?

Yes.

Because other familiar people who really know you, know your negative traits so when told of a situation with your partner, people will use those same traits in an equation and conclude the blame is most likely yours but on the flip slide of that if your family is the majority in your relationship they can overlook your traits and side with you regardless of what you do because of the loyalty they have towards you.

Will I always be the villain in all my relationships?

No.

Sometimes being the Villain in a relationship is because you're frustrated with the direction it's going in or what it consists of and you pushing for things to be done your way can come across negatively. If you enter a new relationship and you're comfortable and happy with how it's going but still find yourself in arguments and on the receiving end of problems the tables may have turned and now your partner could be the one pushing for things that are coming across negatively. 

Can we both be Villians?

Yes.

You can both be fighting for dominance in the relationship and trying to push your own ways of doing things instead of compromising and trying to understand one another and work as a team. If this ongoing battle continues and it starts to become troubling for both of you, you've now entered a toxic relationship where both of you are igniting new problems instead of working on solving the challenges you would normally face in partnerships. 

Can we both be heroes?

Unfortunately no.

You both can be loving and kind and be the nicest people in the world. As individuals. But when you put two people with similar qualities together, people will look for the flaws and start to compare to see who "the good one" is. If disagreements occur, the content of the disagreement can determine who takes up the role as the villain for most of the relationship. 

Being the villain doesn't have to be a bad thing. Once you establish that role and own it you can become a better all-rounded individual. It builds strength in your character and allows you to live life without the approval of others and can encourage you to pursue your dreams and your ambitious with no fear of negative feedback. It also creates balance. Villains make heroes and heroes make villains and one can't work without the other. The perspective on how you're viewed is what decides which one you are. Batman can view as a villain just as The Joker can be portrayed as a hero. Being true to you can make either one irrelevant but to think like that you would have had to been seen as a villain in a couple of scenes of your life to understand.