Can We Really Be Friends?

 This is a topic that I know will have many people talking, but one that will forever be interesting to get opinions on. 

Can we be friends with the opposite sex while in a committed relationship?

I'm going to say there have to be specific stipulations for this to work, but overall I don't think so.

I'm going to hear "what about the people who have kids together but are no longer a couple", and I'm still going to say the same thing.

You can as long as circumstances are in place. But I don't think it can happen without a few boundaries. 

The key factors that come into play when being friends with the opposite sex are:

1. You BOTH need to be in relationships - There needs to be something that keeps your partner comfortable. Its all well and good saying that your partner should be or will be secure and knows nothing will happen, but that little security in knowing the person has a partner helps.
2. They cannot be an ex - Barring if they are your child's parent; no one wants someone around that can talk as personally about your partner's sexual experience as you can. Yes, your partner may have had sexual encounters before you but, no one wants to know a move done in the bedroom was first tried and tested on the person they are now friends with. When you have an argument with your partner the last person you want to know your partner confided in about the problem was a person they had a relationship with years ago, especially if key factor one isn't in place. 
3. This person needs to be around from the beginning of YOUR relationship with your partner. In many relationships, during the courting stage, you tend to meet your partner's friends before any family members. If that "friend" wasn't introduced while this phase of the relationship was happening, they could be someone that's been trying to get into a relationship with your partner too. They could have just been playing the long game. If They were introduced to you during that time, then key circumstance one gets checked, and if they are single, you have to look at these sub-factors.

• How they interact with your partner.
• What's the history of their relationship (Years they've known each other)
• Have your partner and their friend ever tried to be in a relationship?
• Who else in your circle are they friends with. 

All of those stipulations have to check out for there to be any form of comfort in the relationship. The most crucial part in that situation is that your partner STILL doesn't confide in them when you're going through your problems. And that that friend remains consistent with the energy and attitude they're giving off. If that friend treats you funny whenever they are around, that's a major red flag. Them using the excuse of being protective still doesn't justify them being off with you. To me, that's something that you would have to watch out for.

There will be many people against this article and its something that I want. I want an open discussion. I know it will be said that this is from an insecure point of view. Insecurity is personal per each individual. Some people can genuinely see no value in your partner having a friend of the opposite sex. If you want something from a male perspective, ask your brother. If you don't have a brother ask your male cousins and so on, either way, it has to be a family member. Not a Friend that's "Like your brother." There's an unwritten rule of respect in relationships, and genuine friends of the opposite sex understand that rule and do an essential thing.

They befriend you too. 

A genuine friend of the opposite sex will make sure they are friends with your partner to create extra security for them. Its comes across respectful and shows the person in the relationship they are not a threat.

If you don't feel your friend of the opposite sex needs to do that, maybe YOU are the person who is not genuine in that friendship, and possibly see that person as an "Option" in the future.

At times, friendships between men and women can be based on attractiveness. I can be a friend to you because I don't deem you as attractive, but if you were, there could be a possibility that we could be more. These are just reality scenarios this isn't meant to be PC; this is from the standpoint of why it doesn't work very often. Ask yourself this question. If your partner had a friend of the opposite sex, but they were unattractive, would you care that your partner's friends with them or not? Now think of the same scenario, but this time they are extremely attractive. Would you feel insecure because your partner has a relationship with a  person that can directly compete with you? It can be seen in two ways. They can be so good looking to you that you question why that person hasn't tried it with your partner. Or, That this person isn't that good looking, so you don't care, either way, your self-esteem is a factor. To save yourself the unnecessary headache and unneeded drama, make sure if you have friends of the opposite sex that they are genuine. I always use this scenario, If you walk in on your friend, face down, ass up in the air or naked with his whole piece swinging. If you give in to the temptation, your natural sexual desires have always been there. You were just in denial.

Look forward to the comments ;)