Fatherhood.

Yesterday we celebrated a day dedicated to all the amazing fathers who do fantastic jobs helping to raise kids into great human beings. I decided to publish this a day later instead of on it as I wanted to take the day to reflect and enjoy the moment with my son. 

We rid his bike to the park, played football (soccer) on the field and took a moment to have a conversation about life. I don't think I'm the greatest dad in the world, but I do feel like I try my absolute best to provide my son with all the tools he needs to prosper in life.

Fatherhood is an incredible job in life. It's probably the hardest role you can play as a man. You have this life that for some time, relies on you to help create an identity for them. This life relies on you to give them the tools needed to make good choices, have ambition, confidence and self-esteem. Mothers play the most pivotal role in a child's life but I want to focus this article on the importance of fathers in their children's lives. 

In the community that I was raised in, there was a high number of absent fathers and for whatever reason, they weren't present. If they were, their contribution was unknown as I had no interest in fatherhood at that time. What I did care about, was the relationship I had with my father who was and continues to be a presence and asset in my life. 

Being a black boy with a present father was special in my generation and my community. Most of my friends around me had their fathers present in their life too and what I noticed about my friends and I compared to other boys from our community is that the presence of strong black male figures allowed us to make good decisions in our lives. As I've got older I reflect on the things that my dad would tell me on bus journeys to school or when he would bring me home on Sundays after spending the weekend with him. Yes, my dad wasn't in my household fulltime a few years after I was born but I don't regard that as me coming from a broken home as the impact that my dad had on me growing up has predominantly been positive. I saw this man whenever I wanted to and had constant communication with him as and when I wanted. His side of the family consists of some of my closest and most valuable cousin's and this is all because of the type of man my father is and the type of environment he and my mother wanted me and my sibling to be raised in.  

I don't think that if your father isn't present you will make bad choices. I believe that you can learn from mistakes made by people around you and use that to elevate you into being better for your kid. I just see so many kids in London and different parts of America, killing each other and see the trend of the father not being present having a major impact on the mentality of these young men. 

A lot of young men in this day and age believe they are men already with no resources to help them prosper. I see a lot of young men grow up and not have the tools needed to take on responsibility. One of the main characteristics I see young men lack is commitment. Commitment is an important trait as it can sometimes be the difference between you being good at something and you being great at it. Commitment can be the difference between you working towards 1 million or 10 million. Too often, we see young men do the duty of procreating but not committing to the process of raising the child. Mothers have the default role of being present in their child's life no matter what as they have the more emotional attachment to the child and that's why a man can abandon his responsibilities because in society, a mans role as a parent is extremely undervalued. A man's role in society is to be a provider they are supposed to provide their family with finance, security and stability. Men have often associated that with just working, providing money and giving their family a safe home to live in. Those same roles are also supposed to be provided to your children too. To provide the child with a healthy intellect that's more valuable than finances. To allow them to grow in a safe environment mentally as well as physically, that's security. And to provide them with the best foundation that allows them to progress in life whether that be career-wise or family-wise, that's stability. Being a father has a major impact on the children that get brought into the world. being present or non-existant can have major ramifications for those individuals either way.

 

Mothers may take up the role of God by physically making the children but men are the architects of the child and it all depends on the blueprint you set if they will stand strong or collapse.